when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
