I cockslap morals
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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