and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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