He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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