so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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