I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
