You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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