She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
