matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
