"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
