guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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