im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
