Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
