i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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