I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
