thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
