I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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