I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
