my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize