So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
