I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
