haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
