We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
