Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
