i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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