I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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