These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
