I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
