I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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