You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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