Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
