did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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