I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
