Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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