I think I won the penis lottery.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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