So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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