remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
