Can i not drive my cunt home
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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