the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize