Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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