Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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