Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
