The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
