my sisters under your porch take her home
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
