a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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