every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
