either way he was missing a nipple.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dick very happy bro
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
