I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize