You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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