is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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