I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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