Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
