It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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