She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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