Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize