And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
