i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
