i need an iv and a liver transplant
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
