i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
