never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."