Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.