New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.