Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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