kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?