Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week