opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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