So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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