i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
