i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
