so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
