You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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