if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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